Faith in the Basics

This weekend was General Conference. http://www.lds.org/general-conference/sessions/2013/04?lang=eng I always really look forward to General Conference and the hope it brings.  I heard several speakers talk about how bad the world is in terms of morality and social ills but all of them also said that we, who are on the Lord's side, and our kids, will come out on top if we just stick to the basics.  Usually I approach general conference with a lot of prayer and specific questions or concerns so I'm more ready to receive the personal revelation about what I can do to improve myself, my life and our family. However, it seems that lately someone is always hitting fast forward and I find myself lucky to get a shower, let alone time to meditate and I approached conference this year a little disappointed in myself, having only said a quick prayer here or there this week in preparation.

Leave it to the Lord to bless even our smallest efforts!  Even though Dusty was at drill all weekend and my children were.... well children making it hard to pay attention, I was able to watch all 4 sessions of conference.  While getting kids snacks, feeding Mary, kissing owies, breaking up sibling fights, and doing all that other stuff moms do all day long, I was able to catch just the right snippets I needed.
 (I don't know who said what because it was pretty much impossible to take any kind of notes but this is what I gleaned)
#1 Being a mother is THE most important thing I will do- ever.
#2 My marriage is so good because I'm doing the little, daily things that make the biggest difference.
#3 I need to speak to my children in a "mild" voice.
#4 My faith- no matter where it is- is enough!  I need to start with what I have and ask for help if I need more.

I hope it is a positive sign that I found more hope and more, "Hey, I'm already doing that!" this conference.  It may not always seem like it on a day to day basis and I still am afraid I end more days with a frown than a smile but I am on the right track and that feels wonderful!

And... since I didn't blog last month, here's a little update.

Mary is now 4 months old.  She loves to talk and giggle and smile but when she wants something, boy does she let you know!

Nathan had a tonsillectomy after his 3rd bout of strep throat in 4 months (which was also accompanied by RSV and influenza!).  His recovery was super great and fast until he caught bronchitis.  Poor boy, but he was such a trooper.

Samantha is officially registered for Kindergarten in the fall and she is so excited!  (princess self-portrait with her own camera)

Brian celebrated his 7th birthday! ( made him this robe)

Melanie is working hard to lose weight and prepare for a 5k later this month.
Dusty has been busy with research papers and projects and labs and finals and will graduate next week!!!

Mary turns 2!!!!! (months)

Mary Ellen is 2 months old today!!!

Mary has been sleeping through the night since 6 weeks.
She loves to smile at her siblings when they're romping around.
She is getting better at baths.
She absolutely hates to burp (at least that's the only reason I can come up with for how loud and long she screams just before and after).

We love her smile (just can't seem to catch it on camera) and are so grateful she is a part of our family.  We love you Mary!!!

Winter Blues

This is something we resort to when temperatures remain below freezing for weeks at a time (yes even in the middle of the day).  

 Dusty loving his 8-week-old sweetheart.

 Samantha growing up so fast and sporting a side pony tail.

 Mary Ellen- sleeping through the night!

Brian's teacher called to say he was squinting at the board.

I don't have any pictures of Nathan because he won't be still long enough for me to take one.
Other than everyone catching a yucky winter cold, we're fighting the winter blues with success!

Merry Everything This Holiday

I just ordered our family Christmas card from Sams Club.  They won't be ready until Friday which means they won't mail out until Saturday (if I get them addressed right away) so they'll probably be late for Christmas but at least I was able to do something.  These are the pictures we used and the little family blurb.

"Mary Ellen joined our family 12-2-12 at 6:49 pm.  She weight 9 lbs 7 oz and measured 22 inches.  She is just perfect!  Nathan (2) is very active and repeats everything.  Samantha (4) loves to sing and make up songs.  Brian (6) rides his bike to 1st grade and loves going out with dad.  Melanie is very busy with 4 kids!  Dusty just finished his internship.  He will graduate and commission as a Lieutenant in the Army National Guard in April 2013."

We wish all of our family and friends a wonderful Christmas and New Year!!!

A miracle is born!

Mary Ellen Allen arrived on Sunday, December 2, 2012 at 6:49 pm.  She weighed 9 pounds 7 ounces and measured 22 inches long.  She has 10 perfect fingers, 10 perfect, really long toes, 2 beautiful eyes and the cutest button nose ever!  The wonderful nurses brought my wonderful present all tied up with this bow back from her first bath.  She is the most perfect baby and I am simply loving every moment of her life (yes even getting up in the middle of the night)!

I had my last Dr. appointment on Monday, 11-26 where my midwife stripped my membranes and reported I was dilated to a 4.  She ended our appointment by saying, "I'll see you later today or tomorrow to have that baby!"  You can imagine my frustration when Wednesday and Friday (my due date) both passed with no real contractions.  I had been super uncomfortable all week and felt like things were happening but I just hadn't had the tell-tell contractions that meant labor was here.  I was so frustrated that when Dusty suggested we go cut down our Christmas tree Saturday, I jumped at the idea.  What a perfect activity to tempt Murphy!  Surly hiking around in the snow for a few hours over 50 miles from our house would bring on labor!  Wrong!  We did get a perfect little Christmas tree though and the kids had a blast playing with the sleds.  It was a wonderful family outing.  Saturday night, Lacie stayed with the kids while Dusty and I went into Idaho Falls to walk the mall.  Walking brought on a lot more tightness and a lot more discomfort but again, no contractions so we came home to try and get a good night's sleep hoping contractions would wake me up.  Sunday morning- still no action so I went to Sacrament meeting with Brian and then came home because I was just too uncomfortable to sit any longer.

Finally Sunday afternoon about 2:30/3:00, I decided it was time to go to the hospital and check things out.  I still wasn't having contractions but I was so uncomfortable I just had to know if my body was progressing and if the baby was handling my super tight belly okay.

Upon arriving at the hospital, I was dilated to just beyond a 4 and baby sounds great.  So we walked the hospital for an hour which brought me to a 5. This was not enough progress to be considered in labor and not enough progress to be checked into the hospital officially.  We had 3 options:  1- go home and wait some more 2- walk some more or try something else for one more hour 3- have Susan, the midwife come in a break my water.  I didn't feel comfortable having my water broken because I didn't want to risk having to have other interventions (I especially did not want to have to have pitocin) and I was so uncomfortable that I just wanted to have the baby!  So we decided to go with option 2 and instead of walking more (I'd been walking all week and it didn't seem to do anything!), I decided to sit in the Jacuzzi tub.

I couldn't have been in the tub for more than 5 minutes when my contractions finally started!  They were strong and regular but the tub felt good so I just sat and soaked up the warm water and bubbles for about 40 more minutes.  When I got out of the tub I was dilated to an 8 and Mary was born about an hour later!!!  It was actually kind of funny to observe the nursing staff when I got out of the tub.  They were as shocked as I was that things had happened so quickly.  They called the midwife to come to the hospital, Dusty called my mom to drive down, I was strep B positive so they quickly tried to get an IV antibiotic in me, they tried to monitor the baby all while I was having stage 3 contractions every 1-3 minutes.  I actually remember laughing out loud and shaking my head at how crazy and fast things were happening.  I just couldn't help but think that I have a weird psychological disorder that won't allow me to go into labor until I'm already in the hospital.  I guess I just needed to relax!  I had a hard time pushing because the baby was turned sideways.  The midwife had me push for a couple of contractions while laying on my side.  This downright hurt but it worked and I was able to turn back on my back and push her the rest of the way out just a minute or two later.

Mary was a loud crier and she would not be consoled!  She kept crying and crying which worried the midwife so she called the pediatrician.  They were worried she had broken her collar bone while being pushed out but the x-rays came back fine.  After she nursed and snuggled into mama, she settled down.  We were worried she would be high strung and cry all the time but we've learned quickly that she just likes to be snuggled tight and to avoid too much stimulation.  She absolutely hates being changed!

She is nursing well but still drinks 2 oz formula after each nursing.  Once she gets full and burped, she settles right in for a nap.  She will sleep for 3 or 4 hours stretches at night which means that I am feeling fabulous!  Brian, Samantha, and Nathan all love her and want to hug her and kiss her all the time.  Brian especially wants to pick her up all the time which I'm not okay with yet so we keep practicing.  Other than a few emotional outbursts by just about everyone in the family except I think Dusty, we are all adjusting well.  I'm so grateful for Dusty and how willing he is to take care of the older children so I can focus on the baby.  We are also super grateful for my mom who came over everyday last week to cook dinner for us after the many meals from the ward were consumed.  She did our laundry and just spread a lot of love and care around.  Things would have been really hard without her.

Funny note:  Out of the 5 meals we were brought (for which we were very grateful!) 3 of them were pizza.

The Business of Waiting

As I sit awake in the middle of the night (again) uncomfortable but not “in labor” I find myself pondering this business of waiting.  As a teenager, I often had trouble spelling the word business and so taught myself to pronounce it busy-ness in order to remember the i.  I have indeed tried to stay busy while waiting for this special girl to be born into our family.  I have cleaned the house many times over- just in case today’s the day.  I have been able to sew: a diaper bag, a nursing pillow cover, 3 nursing “house dresses” and 3 big sibling bags.  I have also been able to help Dusty get ahead with his homework so that hopefully he will not miss anything when the big day arrives. 

However, even with staying busy, I got pretty discouraged and frustrated earlier today that yet another day had passed with no “action”.  Tonight, I finally decided to be proactive and learn a little bit about waiting in order to be more patient.  Here’s what I came up with from the phenomenal book, “The Gift of Giving Life”:

In Hebrew, the word wait is the same as the word hope.

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint.”

“Waiting denotes an active process…requires continual self-examination, constantly trying to become more worthy, and ever-deepening and progressive discipleship of a broken heart, a contrite spirit, a yielded will and consecration of self.  When we know that the guidance is of the Lord and the answer to our prayers are spiritual gifts, we cannot control or demand.  We must be content and peaceful.”  ~Dr. Lynn Callister

Just as the baby’s body is continuing to develop and gain weight in the last weeks and days of pregnancy, so their spirit is gaining the last moments of instruction and love from Heaven. 

Also, as a matter of perspective, most of the things we “wait” for in life that are tied to a calendar we don’t really have to wait for.  Waiting for Christmas to arrive on the 25th of December is nothing like waiting for the snow to melt and Spring to arrive.  Waiting for Halloween to arrive on the 31st of October is nothing like waiting to meet that special someone to whom you will marry.  Waiting for school to get out on the 28th of May is nothing like waiting to receive an answer to a prayer.

I have tried so hard this pregnancy to not focus on my baby’s due date but I am so accustomed to events on the calendar coming and going precisely when they are planned that I find myself viewing my baby’s birth in the same way.  However, as I wait/hope for my baby’s arrival, I’m starting to understand that hoping for my baby’s birth is more like having faith that the Lord will bless me.  I pay tithing with the faith that our bills will be taken care of (this kind of hope doesn’t have a date attached to it and yet the bills are “due” on a certain day and the monetary blessings always come through before the due date.)

As I continue to wait upon the Lord and our daughter, I hope to be able to be more patient with my new understanding.  I have done what I need to do. I know that I need to continue to keep myself healthy by eating right and getting good rest.  I can choose to be hopeful instead of waitful by taking advantage of this “extra” time to prepare for our baby’s arrival.  I can visualize her learning at the feet of my Grandmother or other loved ones gaining that last minute instruction that will help her have the strength and wisdom she will need on this earth.

Sidenote:  I’ve been so focused on waiting that the lyrics from this song keep popping in my head.  Anyone recognize them?  (hehe)

Doesn't morning wait for the sun to rise
Like a birthday waits for a big surprise
Like a baby waits for a diaper change
Doesn't laughter wait for a joke that's good
Like the big bad wolf for Red Riding Hood
Like a cowboy waits to be home on the range
After all I've said and all I've done
To prove my love is true
And now you ask if I'll wait for you
Doesn't mother wait for the bread to rise
Like a burger waits for an order of fries
Like a chicken waits for the egg to hatch
Didn't Alice wait for a Wonderland
Like Captain Hook did for Peter Pan
Like the alphabet waited for the letter Z
Like a faithful girl waits for her missionary

Gratitude

I have so many blessings!  I was especially grateful for my mother this Thanksgiving.  Being 9 months pregnant, the thought of preparing for a thanksgiving feast along with all the cleaning for company was completely overwhelming to me.  Words can't describe how nice it was for me to be able to drive a mile over to my parents beautiful home and enjoy such a family holiday without a care (okay, I brought the ice cream).  Especially so close to my due date, our Thanksgiving dinner would have been significantly less enjoyable had I been left to my own devices.
I shared my gratitude with my mom and tried to find words to express to her how incredibly nice it was for me not to have to worry about things and still be able to enjoy such a wonderful holiday.  Her reply was simply, "at least someone appreciates it."  I'm sure this was in part her attempt at modesty but it occurred to me how little mothers, and even grandmothers receive in return for their limitless service.  The best part is how mothers don't often seem to mind or even notice the lack of thanks and praise in their lives.  They would do it all again in a heartbeat.  I am so grateful for my mothers and grandmothers and their endless love and service and I hope to be able to emulate them.

With that said, my one contribution to the holiday was these super amazing paper cornucopia name cards and I helped set the table.  These pictures were taken by my sister, Sarah- fantastic!